Today’s song was always kind of a big blur to me. The lyrics make no sense. It opens with very strong words, the picture of a woman I admire. And then the chorus, needy, submissive, afraid to be left alone. And this happens again throughout the song. Whenever I wrote the lyrics down on a notebook or in a diary, I skipped the chorus part. I couldn’t relate to it.
And now, years later, I finally understand. We are never 100% strong. We are not self sufficient, but we can try. And no matter how hardened our shield, some people and some events do get through and touch us. And that’s the moment we have to say, like I heard in a Tea Party song, “Really, I’m not that strong!” But most importantly, there are people we care about more that we’d care about others. And the amount of crap we are willing to put up with for them, well, that’s impressive!
Without further delays, I give you Sheryl Crowe – Strong Enough
God, I feel like hell tonight
Tears of rage I cannot fight
I’d be the last to help you understand
Are you strong enough to be my man?
Nothing’s true and nothing’s right
So let me be alone tonight
Cause you can’t change the way I am
Are you strong enough to be my man?
Lie to me
I promise I’ll believe
Lie to me
But please don’t leave
I have a face I cannot show
I make the rules up as I go
So try and love me if you can
Are you strong enough to be my man?
When I’ve shown you that I just don’t care
When I’m throwing punches in the air
When I’m broken down and I can’t stand
Will you be strong enough to be my man?
Lie to me
I promise I’ll believe
Lie to me
But please don’t leave
One of the first blogs I read was called Perfectly Imperfect. Published on the Blogger platform. I was reading about 3 blogs at the time. But this one became my very own addiction. I went through the archives and read every post she (Tina Romano, which was not her real name) published. And I was fervently waiting for a new one, checking for something new a few times a day. I didn’t know about RSS readers back then.
It was a blog written by a woman a bit older than me. Open minded, a little crazy, full of interesting and funny stories. I hoped to be like her in some regards later on. Her old blog turned private at a certain point. And I lost track of her writing. I then rediscovered Perfectly Imperfect. I, of course, instantly subscribed! Reading through her blog, I realized that I didn’t fully understand it back then. I’m closer to it now.
She always had these very cool taglines. But one of them always made me smile… “When I’m good, I’m very good. But when I’m bad, I’m better”.
When my friend offered to take me on a bike ride, I knew I’d enjoy it. Haven’t been on a bike in years, but I can still remember the wild drive, the adrenalin rushing through my veins, the big grin on my face. But old memories are nothing compared with the reality of the moment. And I so enjoyed it! Every single second of it…
As I was watching the sunset and the bloody, beautiful skies over the Otopeni airport, I felt sad and excited at the same time. Sad for the day that was soon to be over, knowing that I’d miss the warm light. Excited about the night unfolding in front of me. Listening to Raemonn’s “Beautiful Sky” and feeling the melancholy sink in. Open your open mind! I need to, in order to accept everything that I am discovering. No more innocent times. Knowing the mystery, being part of it, turning it into day-to-day reality, that means leaving all innocence behind. I wonder what else about the world I should know. Not that I know that much to start with.
And as I finally say goodbye to the day, other lyrics flood my mind…
Night-time sharpens, heightens each sensation
Darkness stirs and wakes imagination
Silently the senses
Abandon their defenses (more…)
I am puzzled be people and how they choose to act. It’s so puzzling at times! There’s a constant lack of consistency in their attitude, their words, their tone. Is it too much to ask for less swings? I mean, it’s not like feelings change like that from an hour to the next. It’s not like we want to spend time with someone now, to no longer want it 30 minutes later, to then want it again, if they give us an extra 15 minutes.
I feel it all comes from fear. I’ve been too nice, too friendly, too reveling of how I actually feel. My guard is down, I could get hurs, so why not pull away from it all. Just a short break; act all weird and obnoxious for a few days. Or even less. Then I can resume my formerly pleasant persona!
While I do understand why it happens, how and what to do about it, sometimes I just feel we’re wasting our time with nonsense. As Frank Herbert very well explained in Dune, fear is the mind killer. It also kills our spirit, our ability to hope and to try again.
Although I am not a big Katy Perry fan, her Hot ‘n Cold video, best expresses how one feels when seeing this sudden, crazy shifts. Today’s song goes to Michael, yet again!
