I always thought most people are not properly equipped to deal with failures in their love lives. We grow up with fairy tales, we watch romantic comedies and other types of movies and series that show us we all find our soul mate sooner or later. The books that become extremely popular show us the same path – love so pure and so powerful it can deal with any obstacle. And also, after a heart break, real love is lurking just around the corner. Ex husbands that cheated always come back begging for forgiveness. Those who have been betrayed just invest more in their new relationship, without looking back at the shadow from their past, back to reclaim their status.

Even I avoid dramas as often as I can. But is that wise? I do believe there are right partners and wrong partners. Good timings and bad timings. Weakness and strength. And if you try hard enough and with the right person, you can and will be happy for a long, long time. I don’t necessarily believe in ever afters, but I hope it is possible.

Relationships are hard. And sometimes a failure is followed by others. Sometimes, just when you build up the courage to put your faith and trust in someone, you’re crushed again. And what then? What happens when each time you climb out of the abyss, you are thrown back again? Do you give up? Or do you dust yourself up and try again?

In what relationships are concerned, this is what my novel deals with: trying again when life and love just don’t go your way. It’s rarely easy, it’s even less often baggage-free, but unless you decide to be alone forever, it’s what you have to deal with on a daily basis.

People, men and women alike, but mostly women, need to learn that sometimes, after doing their best, there’s nothing left to do but leave, that it’s not about assigning fault, it’s about figuring out what works and what not. How to figure what works is the toughest part – but basically it entails nothing in the range of rocket science thinking. One just needs to know what they need in order to be happy, what they are willing to give to make others happy and if all this matches the needs, willingness and desires of their partner. Of course, it’s all very easy when you don’t count hormones, chemistry and all the other mambo-jumbo our brains and bodies throw at us…

You know how we all have a song that we love, one that speaks to us since the first moment we’ve heard it? How we wished the right person would sing that right song to us? Yeah, I know, girly and cheesy somehow, but true of us all.

Well, sometimes, you hear the right song, the right person sings it, and he sounds incredible singing it, and the lyrics describe exactly how you feel and how you wished he felt… But the catch is he’s really not singing it to you or for you or about you.

So when that happens, first you feel the pain, and then, if you’re lucky enough, you move to the next level: you find a song that speaks of your soul and hope that one day, someone would come along. Someone that might even be tone deaf, but who would understand and mean every word of it…

I knew it would be the very last day I would spend with you. I still chose my clothes carefully, put on make up, did my hair, then went out to meet you. We held hands and we went to all our favorite places. I remembered them all. The good, the bad, the unusual that happened in each. I took a moment to relive them briefly. Then I remembered those before you. After a while, longer for some, shorter for others, the memories had become distant, the good shining brighter, the pain and hurt a silly joke by now. It will be the same for you..

I had such high hopes for you. I embraced you when you arrived, as I had so been longing for you! I was sure when you came, we’d make it all right! We’d give each other what we needed and witness each other’s happiness. I was so wrong about that! You came storming into my life, took it and made a huge mess out of it. You turned everything upside down and then did nothing to fix it.

Towards the end, you tried to give me what you thought I wanted, but failed to understand what I really needed. It’s ok, I understand you had greater concerns than little old me…

In the end, I now look upon you and see how insignificant your fabric of fading moments is. Whatever your plan was, you failed…

If you wanted to challenge my dreams, my balance, and my beliefs… maybe you did. But it changed nothing. I am not really smarter, nor stronger, but I am not weaker either. I don’t trust less and I don’t lie more. I don’t hope less and I don’t have more fears than when I began.

While with you, you tested all of my limits. You probably meant to break me, but failed. I now know what I am capable of. And it was more and better than what I imagined. I found out there’s nothing wrong with loving someone truly, unconditionally, with giving away every piece of your soul. You did teach me though that it can result in massive amounts of pain that crack the very foundation of who you are. But even those wounds heal! So if your plan was to make me stop believing in love, you again failed.

I was betrayed by friends during our time together and even lost a few of them along the way. I stopped believing in them, but not in friendship altogether.

And now we have reached the end. I smile and you no longer understand my smile. I know something you don’t know.

The secret, my secret, is that I have survived you. I am still standing here. There will be more for me to see, live, experience, while you are already on your way to becoming a distant memory.

Goodbye, 2011!

This year, in an effort to make myself write the story going wild in my head, I joined NaNoWriMo. As it sometimes happens, despite my enthusiasm and my willingness to write about 2000 words each day, I got only a little over 14,000 words written throughout November. Luck was not really on my side, although my muse was, and I found myself wanting to write and unable to. Client work, personal issues that got me into an emotional roller coaster, everything that wasn’t supposed to happen, did so.

But the truth is that although I wished to use NaNoWriMo to write 50,000 words, that was just a dream. I could tell client work will pile over me in November, but I had a different expectation – get the story started, write a nice chunck of it, see what needs tweaking in story line and characters, and then keep on going. I did keep on going, although at a slow rate, but I managed to create a habit that will get me to the end of my novel.

That is how I discovered sometimes it is extremely important not to go crazy and get frustrated by a temporary inability to write. Lack of time, lack of inspiration, all these are obstacles that a writer needs to learn to tackle. But driving yourself desperate with guilt and frustration won’t really move the obstacles out of your way. What you can do is think of solutions and try until you succeed. While that is easy to say and a lot harder to do, you still have to try.

I know I did! I tried to swim through the guilt, disappointment and growing anxiousness and write when I could. I got a rewarding session of over 600o words one Saturday and other equally fun and challenging 2000-3000 words writing batches. I love my story even more, the characters are getting more prominent contours and I keep writing! So far, so good!

How’s your writing going these days?

Reading is a big part of my writing experience. I get inspired, I learn and I thoroughly enjoy it as a way to spend my free time. Sometimes deciding what to read next might be an issue, so for those of you in need of inspiration and to keep track of books I’ve read, here are the books of the past two months.

Mircea Cartarescu – Frumoasele Straine (Beautiful Strangers). For my Romanian readers that don’t have the book, here’s a PDF version from the publishing house.

Raymond E. Feist – Magician

Naomi Novik – His Majesty’s Dragon

Charlaine Harris – Grave Surprise, An Ice Cold Grave and Grave Secret, or novels 2, 3 and 4 of the Harper Connely series.

Stieg Larsson – The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo – first book in the Millennium Trilogy

This month I am aiming for more than 3-4 books a month. Will let you know how it goes. What are you reading these days?

Most writers I know, of which I know myself best, are still occasionally or permanently haunted by the myth of the “Published Book”. We sometimes tend not to see ourselves as “real” writers and instead give us names such as “wannabe” writer unless we have published a book. And it’s often not any book, but the book, the one we picture ourselves selling into thousands of copies. And if we’re really dreamy, also see ourselves signing the book deal. With a certain pen, not a cheap one, one that is precious to us. We type a lot, but we still fantasize about the touch of the pen on the paper when we sing those deals, the first one for the book, the second one for the movie.

Why we fear to call ourselves writers escapes me. Maybe we think that once we do so, we need to live up to the name of our profession. And I believe we are not really sure how to achieve that. What we get from not considering ourselves “real” writers? We look down on ourselves, we drop books because we believe them not to be very good, we see this part of what we are as a hobby, a pass-time and not the real deal.

Let me tell you a few things about myself. I have been writing all my life: essays, novels, short stories, blog posts, articles, press releases, white papers, short ebooks, company profiles, bios, newsletters, you name it. Not all of them finished, not all of them paid either. But I write hundreds of words every day, in one form or another. You could definitely say I am at least a part-time writer. I am a PR specialists and a blog editor and manager also.

I have also tested my writing skills. Other than the business writing part and the blogging. My essays and partially written novels have been read over the year by many people: teachers, family, friends, other writers, people I don’t really know. They all liked them, more than I did at times. They all encouraged me to continue, keep at it, finish my work in progress and get it published. Except for my business writing and my blog posts, oh, yeah, and my business ebook on how to use Twitter, I have always abandoned my writing projects, finished or not. Why? I simply thought they were not good enough. I thought I was not a “real” writer. But I was. And maybe part of my projects was good enough. Not all of it, most surely, but part of my many written pages.

Right now I am trying to embrace what I am. Sometimes I tend to say I am not a full writer because that’s not all that I do. But no one actually does only one thing! We are all multifaceted and that’s OK. I remind myself that I do write everyday. I always write with passion, most times with a purpose and some times I get paid for it. That, to my mind, makes me a writer. A “real” writer. Nothing less, nothing more.

The worst thing a wannabe writer can do is to keep changing the story. I have been doing that for a while. I kept twisting and turning Alexa’s life around as mine did and never could get to a point where the novel was as I liked it. A few weeks ago, I got a smashing idea and weeks later I still believe it is doable. Therefor I decided to lock this storyline and keep writing, no more changes. I have to believe in it first, so that other people can believe in it later, when it’s written.

The story will have three parts. Depending on how it develops, it will be three different books or a novel with three parts… For now, the general idea is that there will be three separate books. And I will start writing right in the middle! There is a Romanian saying about starting in the middle and a comparison with hens that are in the habit to jump in the middle of any pile of anything, from food to dirt, but I will ignore it for now.

So here is the main sketch I’m working on:

• Book 1 – Title in the works. Alexa is a supporting character
• Book 2 – The Road to Hell Is Paved with Bad Relationships. Alexa is the main character.
• Book 3 – Title still work in progress – Alexa is the co-star

The order of writing will be 2,1,3.

The second book of the series will explore life as it is for many people – relationships are not perfect, and we need to learn that. Just as we need to learn to get up and try again after a romantic failure. No, it is not like in the novels and in the movies, sometimes things don’t work out but it’s still going to be OK after a while. But there are no guarantees that the next tries are going to be better . That’s the beauty of love, you get burnt so many times and you still believe in it.

It will of course still be a fantasy novel. I am still very much fascinated by vampires and I will write the vampire book I think all vampire fans need.

As the novel progresses, I will publish bits and pieces of it, just to give you a taste and feel of how it’s going to be. I still plan to self-publish and self-promote, but if someone in a shining armor will have a better offer, I will probably consider it.

And without any further  delays, here is the first paragraph of the first draft of Book 2, The Road to Hell Is Paved with Bad Relationships:

As I was staring into the lake, with a wild duck coming dangerously close to the bench I was sitting on, I started analyzing the lyrics of the song pouring into my brain from the headphones plugged into my old MP3 player. Yes, the Wind of Change does come and transforms everything – you grow out of being trapped in a child’s body although you forcefully grew up too fast, you change from the weird teen girl that acts more like a boy and never realizes just how hot her boobs really are, you grow out of being a silly and crazy twenty-something that wastes time on people and activities that hardly justifying the investment. You finally become a young adult (or not that young cause you’re fast approaching your thirties), with a defined personality that can be analyzed and turned to pieces, but there is no guarantee that things are ever going to be better. They actually are worse, as you experience more failures and add more days of sorrow and despair to your collection.

Do we love people for their good side or in spite of their bad side, all their flaws and mistakes?

There are stories we take pleasure in sharing and there are those topics that we have to cover every day, write on a schedule that’s tight, demanding and sometimes repetitive. A lot of people, myself included, believe that the passion and interest of a writer for the topic they write about is paramount in what quality of the finished piece is concerned. If you find the subject dull, not the least bit interesting and just a burden, it’s extremely hard to convey a different feeling to your readers.

No matter how much a topic attracts you, routine, similarity of stories and your own lack of passion for your work are bound to eat at your initial writing pleasure. What can we do to keep our passion’s light burning and give our best in every story? Here are a few ideas:

Concentrate on the stories that most inspire you

Having to stick to a topic is in itself a limit. But all topics come with different angles, new developing stories, funny events etc. No one is stopping you from choosing to write about what inspires you.

Seek passion in others and let yourself be infected

There are people who envy you for the boring work staring back at you from your screen. They would write on that subject again and again, mostly because they can’t do it and their occasional pieces keeps the boredom monsters at bay. There are also those who have just started tackling this subject that you now know intimately. Let their passion and pleasure infect you and smile along with them.

Put a visual on your topic

Find a funny cartoon depicting it, some original photos or stories, look at it through images and shades rather than through the words you’re writing

Change your writing habits

If you’re used to write at your desk after having had coffee, read email and put together your daily to do list, take your warm, strong-scented coffee to a park, forget everything else and just write.  Or write after a invigorating lunch with good friends.

These are some of the things I’ve tried when I sensed my passion for a certain topic I used to be in love with needed a push to be reignited. What have you tried and found to be a great solution?

One of the major setbacks I’ve encountered in completing a novel was not the time, nor the right story to tell, but making sure the story keeps up with how I think and how I see life and what’s going on around me. I have started numerous stories that people actually liked a lot and after reding bits and parts of them, they kept nagging me to write some more. At a certain point, I’d stop, as the words I had written were no longer connected to me. Something had changed, the story did not interest me anymore, so why should it interest others.

When it comes to fiction, it’s not as it is with non-fiction pieces, that I write regardless of a personal connection. I don’t have to be in sync with a software product (OK, my computer might need to ) to be able to write a description, a tag line or a story about the problem it solves. Yet fiction is somehow more demanding. You have to believe in the story you’re asking others to experience.

What’s the way out of this cycle of starting and abandoning stories when life seems to be going faster than my writing?

• stick to parts of the original story and use it in a different scenario. The lore behind the characters making the stories might very well be the same, it needs no changing and can definitely be recycled
• try writing short stories instead or write extremely fast???
• start writing in calm periods of my life, which lack entirely
• get over it, it’s just self-destructing and my inner critic should definitely take a break from time to time
• value more what others (the intended readers) think about the story over my momentary whims which leads to the prior point of getting over it

Have you ever outgrown one of your stories in the maken or felt like it was no longer worth being told? How did you get back to it or did you abandon it completely and started fresh?