I knew it would be the very last day I would spend with you. I still chose my clothes carefully, put on make up, did my hair, then went out to meet you. We held hands and we went to all our favorite places. I remembered them all. The good, the bad, the unusual that happened in each. I took a moment to relive them briefly. Then I remembered those before you. After a while, longer for some, shorter for others, the memories had become distant, the good shining brighter, the pain and hurt a silly joke by now. It will be the same for you..

I had such high hopes for you. I embraced you when you arrived, as I had so been longing for you! I was sure when you came, we’d make it all right! We’d give each other what we needed and witness each other’s happiness. I was so wrong about that! You came storming into my life, took it and made a huge mess out of it. You turned everything upside down and then did nothing to fix it.

Towards the end, you tried to give me what you thought I wanted, but failed to understand what I really needed. It’s ok, I understand you had greater concerns than little old me…

In the end, I now look upon you and see how insignificant your fabric of fading moments is. Whatever your plan was, you failed…

If you wanted to challenge my dreams, my balance, and my beliefs… maybe you did. But it changed nothing. I am not really smarter, nor stronger, but I am not weaker either. I don’t trust less and I don’t lie more. I don’t hope less and I don’t have more fears than when I began.

While with you, you tested all of my limits. You probably meant to break me, but failed. I now know what I am capable of. And it was more and better than what I imagined. I found out there’s nothing wrong with loving someone truly, unconditionally, with giving away every piece of your soul. You did teach me though that it can result in massive amounts of pain that crack the very foundation of who you are. But even those wounds heal! So if your plan was to make me stop believing in love, you again failed.

I was betrayed by friends during our time together and even lost a few of them along the way. I stopped believing in them, but not in friendship altogether.

And now we have reached the end. I smile and you no longer understand my smile. I know something you don’t know.

The secret, my secret, is that I have survived you. I am still standing here. There will be more for me to see, live, experience, while you are already on your way to becoming a distant memory.

Goodbye, 2011!