Tag: relationships

A novel about trying again, even after several failures

I always thought most people are not properly equipped to deal with failures in their love lives. We grow up with fairy tales, we watch romantic comedies and other types of movies and series that show us we all find our soul mate sooner or later. The books that become extremely popular show us the same path – love so pure and so powerful it can deal with any obstacle. And also, after a heart break, real love is lurking just around the corner. Ex husbands that cheated always come back begging for forgiveness. Those who have been betrayed just invest more in their new relationship, without looking back at the shadow from their past, back to reclaim their status.

Even I avoid dramas as often as I can. But is that wise? I do believe there are right partners and wrong partners. Good timings and bad timings. Weakness and strength. And if you try hard enough and with the right person, you can and will be happy for a long, long time. I don’t necessarily believe in ever afters, but I hope it is possible.

Relationships are hard. And sometimes a failure is followed by others. Sometimes, just when you build up the courage to put your faith and trust in someone, you’re crushed again. And what then? What happens when each time you climb out of the abyss, you are thrown back again? Do you give up? Or do you dust yourself up and try again?

In what relationships are concerned, this is what my novel deals with: trying again when life and love just don’t go your way. It’s rarely easy, it’s even less often baggage-free, but unless you decide to be alone forever, it’s what you have to deal with on a daily basis.

People, men and women alike, but mostly women, need to learn that sometimes, after doing their best, there’s nothing left to do but leave, that it’s not about assigning fault, it’s about figuring out what works and what not. How to figure what works is the toughest part – but basically it entails nothing in the range of rocket science thinking. One just needs to know what they need in order to be happy, what they are willing to give to make others happy and if all this matches the needs, willingness and desires of their partner. Of course, it’s all very easy when you don’t count hormones, chemistry and all the other mambo-jumbo our brains and bodies throw at us…

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Sing me a song

You know how we all have a song that we love, one that speaks to us since the first moment we’ve heard it? How we wished the right person would sing that right song to us? Yeah, I know, girly and cheesy somehow, but true of us all.

Well, sometimes, you hear the right song, the right person sings it, and he sounds incredible singing it, and the lyrics describe exactly how you feel and how you wished he felt… But the catch is he’s really not singing it to you or for you or about you.

So when that happens, first you feel the pain, and then, if you’re lucky enough, you move to the next level: you find a song that speaks of your soul and hope that one day, someone would come along. Someone that might even be tone deaf, but who would understand and mean every word of it…

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Is consistency too much to ask for?

I am puzzled be people and how they choose to act. It’s so puzzling at times! There’s a constant lack of consistency in their attitude, their words, their tone. Is it too much to ask for less swings? I mean, it’s not like feelings change like that from an hour to the next. It’s not like we want to spend time with someone now, to no longer want it 30 minutes later, to then want it again, if they give us an extra 15 minutes.

I feel it all comes from fear. I’ve been too nice, too friendly, too reveling of how I actually feel. My guard is down, I could get hurt, so why not pull away from it all. Just a short break; act all weird and obnoxious for a few days. Or even less. Then I can resume my formerly pleasant persona!

While I do understand why it happens, how and what to do about it, sometimes I just feel we’re wasting our time with nonsense. As Frank Herbert very well explained in Dune, fear is the mind killer. It also kills our spirit, our ability to hope and to try again.

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